"Cuban dictator Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. Castro said that a half century of Communist rule seemed like a good idea right up until the point he was rushed to the hospital in a '55 Oldsmobile." --Conan O'Brien
"In a speech in Florida President Bush praised all the contributions Cubans have made to America: catching, hitting, outfielding, shortstop. These were all major, major contributions." --Jay Leno
"President Bush had his annual medical exam this week. The doctors said the president remains in excellent health and is fit for duty. In fact so fit today the National Guard called and said 'So how about serving your time now?'. The doctors said his heart rate, blood pressure and cholesterol are all pretty good. The only bad number is his approval rating." --Jay Leno
"An Inconvenient Truth: "There has never been a better time for a movie about global warming set inside an air-conditioned theater than right now." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Let's not forget the disturbing news about the Middle East coming out of America. This week Bleu Copas became the 55th Arabic translator discharged under the Army's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. After being tipped off by anonymous emails investigators asked him if he had any gay friends and, this is true, if he was involved in community theater. By the way, Bleu Copas, who would have thought somebody named for a French cheese would be gay? Copas is accepting a honorable discharge but only to keep friends from be targeted. He says of his situation: 'It is unfair. It is unjust. Even with the policy we have, it should never have happened.' Sadly his protest was for naught as he made the statement in Arabic and no one in the Army understands that language now." --Jon Stewart
"President Bush said today that in the event that Castro does die he has a plan in place to show the Cuban people there's a better way than the plan they're currently living under. Hey forget Cuba, how 'bout showing us that plan. I would love to see this plan." --Jay Leno
"As you know the elderly Fidel Castro recovering from surgery in Cuba. It was pretty serious. I understand he was rushed to the hospital on Donkey One. A message delivered on Cuban Television today said that Fidel Castro's condition is listed as stable, which in Communist countries means he'll be dead by Friday." --Jay Leno
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"Cuban dictator Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. Castro said that a half century of Communist rule seemed like a good idea right up until the point he was rushed to the hospital in a '55 Oldsmobile." --Conan O'Brien
"In a speech in Florida President Bush praised all the contributions Cubans have made to America: catching, hitting, outfielding, shortstop. These were all major, major contributions." --Jay Leno
"President Bush had his annual medical exam this week. The doctors said the president remains in excellent health and is fit for duty. In fact so fit today the National Guard called and said 'So how about serving your time now?'. The doctors said his heart rate, blood pressure and cholesterol are all pretty good. The only bad number is his approval rating." --Jay Leno
"An Inconvenient Truth: "There has never been a better time for a movie about global warming set inside an air-conditioned theater than right now." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Let's not forget the disturbing news about the Middle East coming out of America. This week Bleu Copas became the 55th Arabic translator discharged under the Army's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. After being tipped off by anonymous emails investigators asked him if he had any gay friends and, this is true, if he was involved in community theater. By the way, Bleu Copas, who would have thought somebody named for a French cheese would be gay? Copas is accepting a honorable discharge but only to keep friends from be targeted. He says of his situation: 'It is unfair. It is unjust. Even with the policy we have, it should never have happened.' Sadly his protest was for naught as he made the statement in Arabic and no one in the Army understands that language now." --Jon Stewart
"President Bush said today that in the event that Castro does die he has a plan in place to show the Cuban people there's a better way than the plan they're currently living under. Hey forget Cuba, how 'bout showing us that plan. I would love to see this plan." --Jay Leno
"As you know the elderly Fidel Castro recovering from surgery in Cuba. It was pretty serious. I understand he was rushed to the hospital on Donkey One. A message delivered on Cuban Television today said that Fidel Castro's condition is listed as stable, which in Communist countries means he'll be dead by Friday." --Jay Leno
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